In 1957 Kinsey reported that 50 per cent of married men and 26 per cent of married women had had a relationship which had included sexual intercourse with a person who was not their marriage partner. More recent studies suggest that, in the last twenty years, the proportion of married men and women who have had at least one episode of extramarital sex is increasing. In the earlier research it was thought that there was a sex difference: men were more likely to have extramarital sex in the earlier years of marriage, women more frequently in their late thirties. Recent research questions if this is so.
The majority of extramarital ‘affairs’ remain secret from the partner, although suspicions may occur. Middle-aged men often choose (or perhaps are accepted by) younger women as lovers, either as compensation for what the man perceives as dullness within marriage, or because his self-confidence has been diminished in his work, or to reassure himself of his attractiveness and virility. These are important in our youth-oriented, competitive society. In many instances the reason is unclear, and a combination of circumstances leads to a situation in which an affair begins.
These relationships are quite distinct from partner-swapping or ‘swinging’ in which the couples involved know the identity and personality of each partner arid strict rules are enforced to make sure that the permanent relationship persists. The sexual experiences are seen as fulfilling, exciting, and pleasurable, and not as damaging to the permanent relationship.
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